Pernille's Fanfiction Draft

This is my first draft, i am writing a part of an episode. Does anyone have tips on how I can structure the lines better? Please give me feedback so i can improve it :)

Barney woke up after the most legendary night ever, even though he did not remember anything he just felt happy. He looked around and could not recognize the room, of course this happened a lot to Barney so he just got dressed and went out to the kitchen for some coffee.

On his way to the kitchen he started to feel dizzy, the room was spinning around him like the legendary time he rolled down a mountain in a barrel. His body felt like it has been beaten with a stick for hours. In his 15 years of drinking and picking up women he has never felt this bad after a night. As he entered the kitchen he noticed a note on the table, he quickly picked it up, awfully curious on who this woman was and started read.

Dear Barney

It finally happened, it's finally you and me. I have been waiting for this so long. I feel like the luckiest and happiest women in the whole world. You are the most amazing, respectful and nicest man, last night was just perfect! The romantic dinner, the long walk on the beach and the deep conversation about feelings. I just can't believe this is happening, you have been my dream since high school, I am just so happy. I finish work at four, so if you want you can come over around six?

Love Alberta.

Ps! Just to clarify my answer to your question again: I do!

The first thought that came in to Barneys head was: What the hell is this? What happened last night? He tried to remember what he did, but the only thing he could think of was drinking some beer at the bar in the afternoon with Lilly and Robin. Almost panicking he ran out of the apartment, jumped in to a taxi and went over to Lilly and Marshall's apartment.

The time was 8:30 am, Marshall and Lilly was eating breakfast when Barney stormed in the door. He gave Lilly the note and asked “What did you do to me?”. Lilly started laughing and gave the note over to Marshall. When he was done reading it he asked Lilly: “Did you seriously do it?”. “Did what?” Barney asked. “You know when we were at the bar yesterday? Lilly said. “Yes” Barney answers with a serious look on his face. “Well, you said a couple of days ago that you never wanted to fall in love with someone, so Robin and I thought it would be funny to give you something called a love drug. We slipped it in to your beer when you went to the bathroom yesterday.” “A love drug? You drugged me?” Barney screamed. “Well yeah, so did you fall in love? This Alberta girl seems really impressed, and by the way, what question did you ask her?” Barney sat down on the couch and tried to remember what he asked this Alberta about, and who she was, but nothing came to him. “Maybe you should just go visit her after work, and ask what you did” Marshall said. “Yeah, I think I should”. Barney answers

The clock was almost six and Barney was now sitting in a taxi on his way to Alberta. He could not figure out who she was, he did not remember any Alberta from high school. Of course that was because he had so many girls in high school that he could not remember the name on almost any of them. The thought made him smile as he went out of the taxi.

He knocked on the door and heard loud steps came closer. She opened the door and there she was, Barneys worst nightmare, the mountain of a girl who stalked him in high school. “Hello my future husband” Alberta almost screamed and lifted him of the ground. Barney felt like he was trapped in the arms of a giant and tried to get out of it. “Future husband? What is happening?” Barney asked. “Stop joking my love, you know what I mean”. Alberta laughed. “No, seriously. I don't know! My friend drugged me last night with something called a love drug and I am here to ask you what happened last night. So please tell me what all this is.”

Alberta got an angry look on her face and asked “Are you telling me this is a joke? That nothing of this is real? Do you really think you can play with my feeling in that way?" “I am not playing with feelings, I just want to know what happened last night. Okay, I will tell you what happened last night.

You were sitting alone in a bar and crying. I saw you and went over to talk to you. After we talked for a while you became so happy, you wanted to do anything with me. We went to a restaurant, the beach and when we came home we talked for hours. Before we went to bed you asked me a question, you asked me if I wanted to marry you. It was the happiest moment of my entire life, and the special moment we had later that night, if you know what mean.”

Barney looked like he had seen a ghost, he had to get out of there. He looked around for the nearest exit, it was the front door but she was blocking it. He stood up and said “Everything that happened last night, does not exist any more. It never happened, I am leaving now.”

“Not so fast” Alberta said. “You are my future husband, my dream and you are mine. You will leave when I let you”. Barney was frightened, he was trapped with a women two times bigger than him, what the hell was he going to do now?