Fan Fic draft - Lost letters

So below is my very first draft for my fan fic. Ive made it from the perspective of the friend that Charlie is writing to in the book. The friend needs help with some stuff and Charlie wont reply.  Please note that im yet to decide on a name for the friend (hence the -------), so any help would be appreciated. PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK AND ASK QUESTIONS :-)

 

September 1, 1992

 

Dear friend

 When I first started getting your letters, to be honest I was a little freaked out. I don’t know who you are and youre sharing some pretty deep stuff with me. After reading your letters though, I understand why you just need someone to talk to. I managed to track down your address so I could reply. I hope you don’t mind, but I just need someone to talk to at the moment as well. Your teachers right, you are a very talented writer, and you need to write as much as you can. Your friends sam and Patrick sound awesome, to be honest I wish I had friends like that. You see I grew up not being myself and avoiding getting close to people just in case they found out the real me. Ive since moved far away from home and im trying to start again, which is hard when you don’t know anyone and youve left everything behind.

You seem to have had a pretty rough life so far with everything to do with your aunt Helen (I hope you don’t mind me mentioning it) and your friend micheal from school. I can only imagine the pain you must of felt. Your such a fighter though, and I admire youre ability to get through. I must say though that your perspective on life is pretty damn awesome and I love your honesty. Honesty would have to be my favourite trait in people, you see I tend to over think things and I let things build up inside until I just cant hold it anymore.

Anyway I hope your ok and everythings well with you. If you get the chance to write back, that would awesome, but if you don’t its cool. People have lives to live.

 

Love always

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September 16, 1992

 

Dear friend

 I know I havnt yet received a reply from you, but I just wanted to write and let you know how great things are. i totally understand your perspective of life going through stages. At some points, everything and everyone is happy, and its good to save those moments up for when life isn’t so great, and at the moment im saving.

 You know that feeling when you first look at someone and cant stop looking? Not in the same way you stare at a person with only one leg, or a hot guy, but more of a ‘why do I feel like I know you?’ kind of way? Like I know I don’t know him at all, but I feel like I either do, or I really want to. And then when you speak to that person, you feel like an idiot because you think youve said something stupid and youre scared they wont like you because of it. I felt this for the first time a week ago and I cant stop thinking about him. Ive talked to him twice since and I feel amazing whenever im around him. It sounds a little crazy because I hardly know him, but im feeling things ive never felt before. Im going to call him james, because I don’t want you finding out who he is.   Reading your letters about how you felt with sam, im sure your one of the few people that actually understand these feelings.

 I hope things are good with you and your still on track and not having any black outs. Im assuming that your lack of letter writing is a good thing, and your busy participating.

 

Love always

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October 28, 1992

 

Dear friend

 I havnt written in a while because like you, ive been enjoying the moment. James and I have been hanging out heaps. I found out just after I wrote the last letter that he had a partner, this upset me a wee bit but it was ok because we hadn’t even kissed. A week arfter he told me, he said that his partner was leaving the country to ‘further his study’ and they were going to be ‘calling it quits’. I didn’t really understand this because I don’t know why anyone would want to let james go. I also found it a little strange that james wasn’t really that upset about it. Maybe hes not one for sharing his feeling, or maybe he was happy about it, im not sure.  I like talking to him and being around him, he shows me a whole new perspective on life that I didn’t even know exsisted. Hes really into typography, which I found a little weird at first but he sees letters and words in weird ways. He was telling me once about how to him, letters arnt just tools for writing, they are images in themselves and there is ‘nothing more beautiful than the curvature of an ‘S’ or the sternness of a ‘T’’ I know it does sound silly but he sees things in ways other people don’t.

 Not long after him and his partner split up he started acting differently towards me. Complimenting me all the time and asking me to go with him to partys etc. Then one night I was at a friends party and he was there. I had had a little too much to drink and we danced alot. We kissed that night. It was my very first kiss and it felt exactly how it looked in the movies. We went home that night and just cuddled. Since then he has been over four times and we have been hanging out more than ever.i kissed him in public when we went to the movies, which was hard for me because some people don’t like people like us doing that.

 I really do wish you could reply if you got the chance, just as assurance that you are getting my letters. He makes me feel infinite Charlie.

 

Love Always

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November 15, 1992

 

Dear Friend

 I don’t think I saved enough good times. The last time james stayed was the best of them all. I don’t want to go into detail but I tried to force myself to do things I wasn’t ready for. For him. He told me to stop because he could tell what was going on. We ended up just cuddling and he told me how much he liked me and we just whispered to eachother until 3am when we both fell asleep. He had to leave early in the morning for college and when he left he gave me the biggest kiss and said he would see me later. That was two weeks ago. Ive seen him twice and both times hes had to rush off. Phone calls have been short. In all honesty he was sick for a few days so that may be why, but im starting to not feel good about it.

 Im scared I did something to put him off. Was it too much for me to try to sleep with him? Has he found the real me? I don’t know what to do Charlie. I need a reply to this one. Please.

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December 2, 1992

 

Dear Charlie

 Its all turned to shit. I saw him at a party last night and he was different. He took me to one of those bars were people like us go and although he kissed me and held my hand, he was different. We fell asleep on a friends couch and he wouldn’t cuddle me. I tried to talk to him and he told me to ‘wait till we were sober’. The next morning I asked him what was going on and he told me everything, About how he doesn’t want to be with someone right now. About how he needs time to grow and be himself. About how he still likes me but just needs to wait a while. About how he wants to still be friends. Its fucking crap Charlie. If someone likes someone, why cant they just be together? Why cant I have what I want? Ive been pleasing everyone else my whole life so why cant I just have my moment.

 Its really shit that you havnt replied by the way. I always end up having to deal with this crap by myself. I just need someone right now.

 

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December13, 1992

 

Charlie

 Way to fucking go with replying. I seriously just need some to talk to that understands but your not there. Are you even getting these letters? Or are you just choosing to ignore me now that your better?

 Ive tried being his friend and I cant do it. I see him sometimes, talking to other guys and being happy and it hurts. I put my heart on the line for the first time and this is how I get treated? Ive asked him if we can just hang out and take things easy but he wont give me a straight answer. He says that one day, we may be able to try again but why should I have to sit back and watch him be happy, if hes making me feel like this? Ive written letters to him, and I think they are ruining things. Ive told him exactly how I feel and I don’t think hes going to want to be my friend. Everythings shit Charlie. Just shit.

 This is going to be my last letter to you by the way. I don’t see why I should pour my heart out for anyone else if they cant even take the time to help me.

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