This Is Bogus. -Fan Fiction Final

Prologue

LINDSAY

This isn't going to be one of those pretty girl diaries where I talk about how I met the boy of my dreams and scribble his name all over and talk about how beautiful and deep his brown eyes are or how his smile could make me melt or match the fire of the sun or whatever you might think this may be but it's not it's the long string of thoughts and specific feelings like anger and overwhelming tension and none of that 'I don't know what i'm feeling but it sure feels like butterflies' bullshit and it's definitely not all rose petals and american dreams either so you better get used to it if you're gonna keep reading because you're not going to find what you're looking for if you've got a sweet tooth for sugar coatings.

3rd of Whatever, 1980fuckit

You know what? Before I came to McKinnley I was a nobody. I could have walked right through the halls of my previous life, a brain... a geek, and no one would have noticed one bit. But now, after flipping the quo of my life on its ass - how did this all even happen?- people notice. The Freaks noticed. Daniel, noticed. Is this the life that I wanted? Or was it the sweet blanket of anonymity that I loathed at first but now craved with the desire of a man stranded in the desert longing for his oasis. I did, do, want to be where I am now, but I hate all this complication that comes with knowing, well... Everyone.

BEFORE.

I like that word, before.

BE - It has a resounding emptiness yet is full of all the things that the future holds.

and FORE -  The front, the leader. Me leading myself to where I will be. Shit i've gotten sappy. I used to live my life in equations before I met the Freaks and I was happy doing so, I was happy being the little robot I was, spurting out numbers and 'yes, Sir', 'no, Sir' and 'HOW FUCKING HIGH SIR'.  But then all of a sudden,  I wasn't happy with just being happy. Did you know that there are at least 48 variations of 'Happy'? And i'm okay with just being a flat one. Fuck'n A, how depressing Lindsay. I wanted more, I wanted my 'after' to be better than my 'before'. Hello I am Lindsay and Angst is my middle name. No, scratch that.

I'm Lindsay Fucking Weir. And I'm in-fucking-love with Daniel Fucking DeSario. I would say sorry for all the swearing but this time I have no one to answer to except myself and I can do WHATEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE.

It is the 6th of Asshole, 600BC. WELCOME.

So it's been a while since I ended it with Nick and I had figured that by now Daniel would have started talking to me properly again. It took everything I had in me - which by the way, is equal to negative the mass of the sun divided by zero impolde-on-itself-self-hatred - to tell Daniel how I felt about him. This included dropping a huge L bomb on the poor sonofabitch while at the same time betraying my best friend and closest confidant bar Daniel, Kim. Who also just by some sick karmic joke is his ex girlfriend. I am a turds turd, a freak/geek mutant turd turd of a person. I reek of turd. I am a DWEEB TURD! I needed to say it and now have accepted my turd status so, moving along...

It's no secret that I find it totally bogus of Daniel to not talk to me and he no doubt giving me and this crummy town the split by now, but I guess that with this huge FUCK YOU to the face I have received, I have now forced myself to move past from the past and try and admit that while my feelings were very real, his were not reciprocated in reality. I'm pretty sure they were though. There is no way I made that kiss up, it was too vivid. I can still feel every part of me that he came into contact with.

'If you could be anyone or thing you wanted to be, who would it be?'

'Not you, nor I, or anyone else in this world.'

-please note here that I am a complete and utter retard-

'Getting all poetic on me huh?'

'Nah. Its just, I, uh. Stuff it never mind.'

'C'mon Linds, tell me tell me.'

Why did you have to look in me. Don't touch me with the hands i've been wanting to be touched by for so long.

Don't make me fall in love with you more than I can give.

'Daniel,' at least I started off well, 'I don't know how to tell you this and I love Kim too as a friend, my best friend and I know I'd be hurting Nick too and I'm even risking our entire friendship over this and this will forever change everything always no matter how you react but I think it worth it because' and here it goes, brace yourself for detonation 'I. Love. You'

Ka-fucking-boom. 

'I..uh, Linds, I..'

Explosions and fire, unidentifiable wreckage.

'...'

No survivors were found.

Then after the longest silence I ever could have imagined possible he does the one thing I never intended on having to deal with. In reality that is...

'I love you too.' and then he leans forward and kisses every fiber of my anatomy and cognitive system that make me. His.

It's a goddamn christmas miracle!

So you can imagine how bummed I am.

8th of Bastard, Ihateeveryone.

I got a letter today, and in typical DeSario fashion it was stuck to my bedroom window with that god awful Bazooka Gum that he chews. I haven't found my guts as of yet so the letter is still folded up and waiting for me to read it... Please be something I want to read. I've had enough shit today, especially with Nick who now has a hoser of a girlfriend. Not that she has anything on the first one. Well shit, guess I better read this letter.

Epilogue.

DANIEL

Lindsay Dear Lindsay

Linds, i'm not good at this kinda shit. you already know that I guess. I know I can be a class A dick brain like those meatheads on the football team but I never think that I will end up hurting you like I do. I don't know what it is but  You're the only person that has been real good to me and I love ya for it. Shit what am I sayin, fuck it Lindsay I love you. I've loved you before since the first time you talked to me. Shit girl i've been falling for you before you set foot in this crummy town. I know this is no love note from one of those fancy writers you read about but this is me. I love you Linds and I hope you still feel the same. I found this poem that that e .e comings cummings guy you rattle on about wrote and I like this part of it, whatever it is. It probably means something different to what I think it does but I guess it reminds me of you and me or us or we or, shit okay here it is

i carry your heart with me

i carry it in my heart

i am never without it

anywhere i go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling

-D